romanticism vs. practicality: fight of the century

Its funny to watch peoples interactions. You can tell who is comfortable and who is not. Today is one of those self-induced, lack of interaction day. Can't i just go home and paint for the rest of the night? Why am i such a romantic and hope my life is nothing but painting, picture-taking, and happiness? It is such a romantic ideal that is hard to hold onto in society. Where do romanticism and practicality meet?

imagine, me and you.

sorry guys, its a bad picture with what appears to be a nude toddler running into the picture. This is the underpainting, so you get the idea. I guess i am kind of exploring this whole idea of personal problems that many people are faced with. Almost "fad" problems that are GRIPPING the nation. First, of course, was the overconsumption/being fat/ no control idea. Now this one is the whole identity issue. Putting on different faces for different people which, in turn, causes a loss of identity. But also, it speaks about the uncertainty of your own identity and other peoples. or something. haha.

we'll see where this goes...

leaf house

this perfectly describes my mood.

Today is just one of those days. Not one of those helpless days, but one of those days where I just wish i could be doing something better. i have things going on all the time and I just wish i had more time to just create. Paint, or take more pictures, or make clothes. Do something more productive.

I think i'm just struggling with ideation. ugh.

your face is like the sun sinking into the ocean
your face is like watching flowers growing in fast motion
all your kisses i swallowed
brightened mornings and hollows
my vines and tree knots will come unwound
baby you are my sunshine
my sunshine
please don’t take my sunshine away

the grounded fireflies are little stars that are dying
returning to the earth i can hear them crying
like christmas bulbs that i swallowed
slept in a tree that’s gone hollow
and never a brittle wintertime
baby you are my sunshine
my sunshine
please don’t take my sunshine away

sunshine
my sunshine
please don’t take my sunshine away

turns whole to half

Steam from the cup and snow on the path
The seasons have changed from present to past

first encounter of the same kind

I was an outsider of this group. I was from a different school. A smaller school. All of these girls had their jokes and their comfort. I had a bag of chips and a frog shirt. I thought to myself, "sooner or later someone is going to get hungry and eat some chips." Well, it happened, followed by the incredible consumption of sugary substances that only girls of age 12 could manage. It was this hyperactivity that threw me head first into this crazy, horrible world of girldom.

It was a day of celebration. It was a collection of the dweebiest 5th graders in all of the world. There I was, in a roomful of peers. It seemed as if one horrendous, style-deficient girl topped the next. And then i saw it.

There it was, glistening in the fluorescent lighting of a dimly lit basement. The most appalling sight in all of my then 12 years and maybe all of my life. Little did i know, this hairstyle would haunt me for years, almost a decade, before i had the guts to go manually change it myself. But that is beside the point. I guess the whole point is that this horribly slicked bun (which i considered the pinnacle of terribly styled adolescents) was equally matched to my bright yellow shirt displaying a comically large frog.

This hair has not been slicked back in years, and I don't even own anything with any sort of animal printed on it, let alone a frog. In the 10 years of this friendship of epic proportions, we have indeed sported styles of questionable taste, but nothing ever will compare to the day we realized our matching oddities of the slicked bun and from shirt.

so i made a list

Here it is. The things i have been putting off since college started. I'm moving into an empty, 4 bedroom apartment in less than 3 days, and I had promised myself that I was officially going to change my habits THAT DAY. You, my friends, need to help me stick to it. Yes, I also realize that I am probably only speaking to Alyssa, Maddie, and the occasional Madelyn.

ok, so here it goes...

1. start biking everywhere, and a LOT. 

2. eat HEALTHY and lessssss. I think this one will be easy because of all the cooking i want to do.

3. find another job to keep during the school year.

4. PAINT PAINT PAINT PAINT PAINT.

5. Learn how to keep things tidy on my own terms.

6. Take one MILLLLION pictures.

7. swim in some sort of body of water at least once a week.

8. loose 30 pounds.

9. get my style back (ha).

10. Keep it real. Keep it fun. Keep it real fun. 

Hahahah, so the last one is worded so sillily. (i like the spelling of that word. im going to use it more often. Get ready)