decisions, decisions.

I feel like i should paint tonight. I have been in a funk. Lately ive been painting what i feel and its been fast and messy and ever changing. I need to make decisions about my painting and about my life. One thing that is really exciting is that my painting and my personal life are directly affected by one another. My paintings changed a month ago (dramatically switched from oil on panel to acrylic washes on paper), and less than two weeks after that happened i broke up with my boyfriend of three years. There was nothing wrong with either thing--the oil paint or the boyfriend. In fact, i was pretty good at both or am pretty good at both. I just cant force things anymore. My paintings might look stupid right now and my life might look stupid right now, but it feels right. They both feel like things i need to do, even if they dont make sense whatsoever.

3 weeks to settle.

Life has been fucked up lately, but its getting clearer. I'm making better art. I'm trying to do more fine art photography rather than fashion photography.

I feel like the dust is settling. I can see things better, but we will just wait until the next time i kick it up again.

sea lion woman

some current studies. i dont really know which direction im going in, but ive whittled it down a bit. painting is scary.

the comencement of the process

This is the last time I felt sane.

turn of events

Here's a little peek into my studio space. haha. Yes, i am always that messy.

Anyways, large scale painting. I dont really know what i'm continuing here. This painting is like 4 feet wide and maybe...i dont know 5 1/5 feet tall? Im at a point where i dont really know what im doing. Its hard for me because im not planning or deciding or contemplating--im just doing. I dont know how successful any of my newer stuff is, i just know that its something i need to be doing. It probably has something to do with my life right now. I dont have time to think, or so it feels. Im always thinking about money and school and deadlines and work and all this stuff that makes me not think creatively. Maybe im just a big ol' worry wart. (ps. there is a silhouette of my gramma in that painting.)

inevitable disconnection

so this is more of a quality picture of the gramma painting i did. Im quite indifferent about it, really. diptych, each panel 4'x2'. oil on panel. sorry im a backwards blogger. I never do things in order. and details of the work.